Last Thursday I did the thing I always swear I won’t do: wandered into Walmart “for milk” and walked out $187 poorer with a cart full of stuff I didn’t even remember grabbing. In the parking lot, my 6-year-old was eating the emergency granola bar I keep in the glove box, and I was staring…
Last year, I was sitting on the hallway carpet on December 23rd with a calculator app open and a bag of random stocking stuffers from Target rolling around my feet like tumbleweeds. I had three kids, a half-wrapped box that looked like a lopsided brick, and that specific kind of panic you only get when…
Last Tuesday, I was standing in the grocery store checkout with a cart full of “quick dinners,” three kids melting down in three different keys, and a total that blinked $187.43 at me like it was proud. I did that thing where you pretend you didn’t see it and start intensely studying the gum rack….
Last Thursday I paid $187 for someone to “deep clean” my car. Translation: they vacuumed two Goldfish crackers, sprayed something that smelled like blue raspberry, and left a gummy bear fossilized to the cup holder like it paid rent. I sat in the pickup line afterward, staring at my receipt, thinking about how I’d just…
Last Tuesday, I was standing in my kitchen with a rogue cup of apple juice slowly creeping toward the edge of the counter like it had a personal vendetta. My middle kid was narrating a LEGO “emergency,” the baby was smearing yogurt on the dog, and my husband was doing that thing where he “helps”…
Last Friday at 6:42 a.m., I was standing in my kitchen in yesterday’s leggings, staring at a sticky ring on the counter left by a “science experiment” (my middle kid’s words, not mine). I reached under the sink for my usual spray and found… seven half-empty bottles, three different “fresh” scents, and exactly zero motivation….
I was 33 weeks pregnant, sitting on my living room floor with a tape gun, labeling bins like I was opening a tiny baby supply store. My husband walked in, looked at the growing pile of “must-haves,” and said, “Are we… building a nursery or funding a startup?” I laughed, then immediately panic-cried because I’d…
Last Tuesday, I was in the Target parking lot with a cart that wouldn’t steer straight and a toddler who’d discovered the joy of yelling “SNACKS” at full volume. I looked at my receipt in the driver’s seat (because of course I did) and saw I’d paid $7.99 for a bag of pre-cut pineapple that…
At 6:12 a.m. on Thanksgiving, I was standing in my kitchen in slippers with one contact in, staring at a turkey that was still kind of… icy in the middle. My youngest walked in and asked if we were “doing the fancy food this year,” and I laughed in that slightly unhinged way moms laugh…
At 6:12 p.m. on October 30th, I was standing in my laundry room holding a half-empty bottle of OxiClean like it was going to solve my entire life. My middle kid had just informed me—casually, like he was telling me we were out of bananas—that he “needed” a costume for school the next morning. Not…